I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
