Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
