So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I won the penis lottery.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
