seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
