I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You left your phone here
Wait...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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