I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
