You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
