The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
