"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
