I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's blow job season.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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