I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
