You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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