so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
