overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
