All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
