Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can I color on your dick again?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
