It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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