I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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