I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is it penis luge time yet?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
