So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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