there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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