I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
