I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
