Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
