Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
