So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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