Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
