you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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