So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
