My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
