grandma shit on top of the toilet
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
