Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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