If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Found the puke drawer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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