I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Houston, we have a blender
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
