i just google imaged poop.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
