Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
