Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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