Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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