I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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