I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
