I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
