dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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