i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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