i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
