.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
