that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
