I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
