I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
