break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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