I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
